Crass Consumerism

I don't know how it happened. And that scares me. Looking back I knew I was vaguely aware of them, I saw the pictures, they were everywhere. But they didn't really focus on my radar. Then I woke up one day and zing! I was obsessed. Sadly obsessed, I might add, because now I hunger for them.

What am I talking about? It's those damn UGGS boots. I am a self-confessed shoeaholic and have never counted how many I own...just the thought of sitting down and counting them runs chills down my spine. I mean, I'd have to count ALL of them. I have a shoe wardrobe for every season. When I switch out my clothes for each season it takes me two days. Many hours of the second day is just dealing with shoes. The spring/summer/vintage ones are packed up right now. Get the picture?

I recently figured out that I'm buying at least one pair of shoes a week. This is not good, I only have two feet. And then I have my favorites, the ones that I just have to wear, even if it means changing my clothes around my shoes. At home I live in my Hello Kitty slippers. They're velvety soft and have a plaid bow on kitty's head. Once I almost walked out of the house with them on. Since it's been so damn artically cold here, I'm living in my shearling boots. They're vintage (I think 80's) with a roll down cuff and oh, they make my toes warm and happy. Other shoes I just like to know that I own, oh the horror!

Getting back to the damn UGGS. I knew about them. I read about them, but I never lusted after them. I have no idea how the horrible thought that I couldn't live without them entered my brain.

I'm not huge trend follower by any means. Oh, I read all the fashion stuff and avidly watch the streets to pick up on trends, and have a schizophrenic wardrobe (vintage/preppy/funky/trendy/high end/basic) and do salivate over certain labels (Tocca! Tocca! Tocca!) but haven't been this bonkers over any particular item since college. If you see me running around town, I look pretty eclectic.

College was bad. I have no idea who thought up this stupid exercise, but suddenly a mass of girls (and yes, I was one of them) were desperately trying to one up each other with izods. That's right izods. Who had more izod belts, tops, jeans etc., we were a maddened crowd hunting for that stupid 'gator. I thought the frenzy had left me, but noooooooooooooooo!

Here I am an adult (nominally) who is now actually spending hours on ebay.com hunting for them. One day I watched an UGGS ebay acution start at $9.99 and by the third hour the price had climbed to over $300.

I was in the subway on my way to a friend's house, when a woman sat across from me on the train. She was wearing UGGS. They were the tall sand ones. I had to grip my seat so I wouldn't leap on her legs and pull them off.

A few days ago I'm walking to Bumble + Bumble to get my hair done and pass a shoe store. In the window are a pair of baby pink UGGS. I stared for too long, I think the salespeople inside got worried that I was stalking them.

It's not enough that I want one pair, somehow a weird wire in my brain had informed the rest of my body that I need three pair. One Black, One Sand and pink. They all have to be the high (tall) boot. This way the basics are covered.

Yeesh! What I really want to know is how did this happen? How did I pick up this weird lemming like desire to own them. Looking at the boot objectively, they're okay looking. Not really a wowzer pair, yet they softly call out to you the way the sirens teased Odysseus. And it's not fair, I tell you.

What is it about an object, any object that makes your mouth water, your heart quicken and all sane thoughts leave your head? Why do you stop being a rational person and become a slobbering fool whose only thought is UGGS or a birkin bag or juicy couture? I have friends who bow down to the Marc Jacobs store in the Village, I know people who are hunting for bags with Elvis on them...what happened to our brains? last summer it was the Siegerson Morrison flip flops (I suddenly have memories of Stef and I sitting on a stoop clutching each other as pairs walked by us in the heat). Now it's the UGGS.

Who does these things to us? I'm going to track that fool down and smack them with a three day old halibut fish. I really need to stop thinking about them. I know and understand they are an inanimate object and don't worry about me. I know that I will live a healthy and productive life without them. I just need a cure.

I think stuffing my ears with cotton before I go to sleep is the only way to deal with their wanton cries of "buy me! buy me!"